HCL and Hacking

Well, now that the Feds are off my back, I can finally write about the events of the past few months. 

It all started late last year when an agent from the Joint Terrorism Task Force came by my house.  I wasn't home, but he called me on my cell.  He mentioned something about an email threat, or what they thought was a threat, but it wasn't really a threat, or some shit.  It had to do with some violent act at a university in Georgia.  I referred him to my lawyer, and never heard from him again.

So much for that crap.  Some slumdog obviously sent a bogus email to the FBI, spoofed the header, and made it look like it came from an email account that was traced back to me.  No big deal.  Like I always say, the Insurgency only advocates rhetorical violence.  Slumdogs are not worth going to jail for.

There was only one problem.

I have never sent mail from my Time Warner email account.  But how did they even get that email address, I wondered.  That must have been some slumdog at Time Warner, who has plenty of H-1Bs working at its data centers in Virginia.

Then I got a call from my lawyer about some FBI agent named Abalon who wanted to set up an "interrogation" with a DOJ lawyer named Thomas Dukes.  Well, not really an "interrogation" -- that is the term my dumbass lawyer's bimbo secretary used.  Anyway, the Feds wanted to talk to me.  And not about some violent act in Georgia.  The only thing I knew was that I was not a target of an investigation.  Considering the jack-booted thugs at the Department of Jihad had not yet served me with a warrant and confiscated my computers, I really didn't have much to worry about. 

Fast forward three months, and I was being served with a subpoena by my fuckhead FBI agent Joey Abalon.  This prick refused to call my attorney back and just ran out the clock until Thomas Dukes was forced to issue a subpoena for me to testify as a witness in Virginia.

I flew into Virginia last week, and made my appearance before the Grand Jury investigating the hacking of a Virgina state web site dealing with prescriptions (which was probably facilitated by some slumdog at HCL).  With my fresh haircut and crisp suit, I hardly fit the profile of a deranged cracker who was about to start killing people. 

The DOJ lawyers met with me in a small room before my testimony.  I told Mr. Dukes that I don't have to answer any of his questions, and that this was all a huge waste of time and taxpayer money.  Once he got the hint that I knew the rules, he stopped trying to trick me into running my mouth and showed me the "evidence" he was going to ask me about.

I use the term evidence lightly.  This is what he placed in front of me:

1.  A printout of my blog post titled "The Retribution Continues".  Big deal, I thought. 

2.  A printout of some web page comment on a Washington Post story about the case:

Posted by: tunnelrat1 | May 8, 2009 1:55 AM

That was obviously a phony post, even though those were my words; I never have to use the TunnelRat1 nym because I am always the real Tunnel Rat.  No big deal.

3.  A printout of an email messages that I clearly didn't write.  First off, it used the N-bomb repeatedly.  I never use the N-Bomb in my writing.  Only desi douchebags like Vivek Wadhwa use the term "nigger" to further their own agenda.   This message, once again, had something to do with a violent act on some campus in Georgia.  Maybe it was the same fake email that the JTTF was investigating.  Either way, I had nothing to do with so I had no worries.  But I vowed to find out who sent that email, even if it takes me the rest of my life.  I have already requested the digital email so I can have my security experts in the Insurgency investigate it.

So that what was it.  This would be easy.

More to come...