Tips For Slumdog Scabs

Finally, a web site that sums up all the tricks that you need to know about displacing an American techie!  Although you may end up with a hollow point in your brown, curry-scented forehead, getting H-1B visa is worth it.  Hell, no risk, no reward:

Tip 2 - Dress to Impress (so that we can't easily identify you when we techies start aiming for the red dots)

The majority of H1B staff augmentation workers dress poorly. They have belts that are way too big that almost loop around their waste almost two times. They come in wearing clothes that are not pressed and look like flashbacks from the 1980s. In addition they typically have no color coordination. Be sure to be color coordinated. Dress Tips:

• Don't wear the belt that is 18 inches too big for you and wraps around your body two times.
• Don't wear white sport socks with business casual clothes. Make sure your socks match your outfit.
• Throw away your 1980 clothes and wear up to date business clothes.
• Don't wear cheap shoes that don't match your slacks. If you got the shoes for 80% off, there is reason for it. They are ugly.
• Do press your clothes by a professional dry cleaner. When you do it, yourself it looks like crap. Go to the dry cleaners!
• Don't wear the same pants or shirts on consecutive days. At least wait a day before wearing the same clothing item again.

Tip 3 - Status Your Boss Frequently (suck your boss's dick--it is the only sex you will get in the US)

Communicate to your boss on a frequent basis the status of what you are doing and what you have done. Don't' wait for your boss to ask for a status, proactively give your boss periodic status reports. This will really impress your boss!

Tip 5 - Go for the Job Regardless of the Required Skills (yeah, like no shit, lie on the fuckin' CV like your life depends on it, which it does, scab)

If you like the job description go for it regardless if you have the technical skills or not. Most likely you will get a functional manager who conducts the interview and manages you. You will be able to easily fool the functional manager in to thinking that you are an expert in the required skill set. Then after getting on the job and making friends with other contractors on the job, you will be able to quickly pick up the skill set on the job without the boss ever knowing that you did not have a clue about the given technology. Therefore if you like the job or the location of the job go for it. If you get fired, not a big deal. There are thousands of H1B contractor positions across the United States. You are not tied down to any geographical location, so you have thousands of jobs at your finger tips.

Tip 8 - Originals of your Academic qualifications (don't let the Goras know that you got your degree from a Mumbai diploma mill)

Copy of certificates related to academic and job experience are enough to process your H1-B visa. Just to hold you till your H1-B processing is over, some employers may ask for originals. Don’t give it to them. Getting back the original certificates could be cumbersome process in case you decided not to join the company.

Tip 16 - Communication Skills are Number 1 (stop fuckin' send emails with phrases like "u r my one number customer")

The clients will base 70% of their decision making based on your communication skills. If you are able to effectively communicate with the client, you have a good chance of landing the job. Try to listen very attentively, since clients hate it when you say "Can you repeat the question?". If you are asking to the client to repeat the question on multiple occasions you are greatly reducing your chances of getting the job. You can fool them on your technical skill set, but you cannot hide poor English communication skills.