tunnel rat posted on February 23, 2011 23:38

Finally, a web site that sums up all the tricks that you need to know about displacing an American techie!  Although you may end up with a hollow point in your brown, curry-scented forehead, getting H-1B visa is worth it.  Hell, no risk, no reward:

Tip 2 - Dress to Impress (so that we can't easily identify you when we techies start aiming for the red dots)

The majority of H1B staff augmentation workers dress poorly. They have belts that are way too big that almost loop around their waste almost two times. They come in wearing clothes that are not pressed and look like flashbacks from the 1980s. In addition they typically have no color coordination. Be sure to be color coordinated. Dress Tips:

  • Don't wear the belt that is 18 inches too big for you and wraps around your body two times.
  • Don't wear white sport socks with business casual clothes. Make sure your socks match your outfit.
  • Throw away your 1980 clothes and wear up to date business clothes.
  • Don't wear cheap shoes that don't match your slacks. If you got the shoes for 80% off, there is reason for it. They are ugly.
  • Do press your clothes by a professional dry cleaner. When you do it, yourself it looks like crap. Go to the dry cleaners!
  • Don't wear the same pants or shirts on consecutive days. At least wait a day before wearing the same clothing item again.

Tip 3 - Status Your Boss Frequently (suck your boss's dick--it is the only sex you will get in the US)

Communicate to your boss on a frequent basis the status of what you are doing and what you have done. Don't' wait for your boss to ask for a status, proactively give your boss periodic status reports. This will really impress your boss!

Tip 5 - Go for the Job Regardless of the Required Skills (yeah, like no shit, lie on the fuckin' CV like your life depends on it, which it does, scab)

If you like the job description go for it regardless if you have the technical skills or not. Most likely you will get a functional manager who conducts the interview and manages you. You will be able to easily fool the functional manager in to thinking that you are an expert in the required skill set. Then after getting on the job and making friends with other contractors on the job, you will be able to quickly pick up the skill set on the job without the boss ever knowing that you did not have a clue about the given technology. Therefore if you like the job or the location of the job go for it. If you get fired, not a big deal. There are thousands of H1B contractor positions across the United States. You are not tied down to any geographical location, so you have thousands of jobs at your finger tips.

Tip 8 - Originals of your Academic qualifications (don't let the Goras know that you got your degree from a Mumbai diploma mill)

Copy of certificates related to academic and job experience are enough to process your H1-B visa. Just to hold you till your H1-B processing is over, some employers may ask for originals. Don’t give it to them. Getting back the original certificates could be cumbersome process in case you decided not to join the company.

Tip 16 - Communication Skills are Number 1 (stop fuckin' send emails with phrases like "u r my one number customer")

The clients will base 70% of their decision making based on your communication skills. If you are able to effectively communicate with the client, you have a good chance of landing the job. Try to listen very attentively, since clients hate it when you say "Can you repeat the question?". If you are asking to the client to repeat the question on multiple occasions you are greatly reducing your chances of getting the job. You can fool them on your technical skill set, but you cannot hide poor English communication skills.


Comments (6) -


United States Cd
February 24. 2011 05:58
Cd

So funny AS IF NOBODY KNOWS THEIR TRICKS they are just hired for billing purposes so THEIR OVERLORDS can make a good profit.


no site


United States James
February 24. 2011 07:11
James

BWAHAHAHAHA! What a joke! Just further proves that they are all fakers and frauds - fraud your way in, get the job, clean out the company's $, then move on..

NO WONDER AMERICA HAS LOST SO MANY JOBS!

Slumdogs are destroying them!


no site


United States Bobby Jindal
February 25. 2011 14:16
Bobby Jindal

Even the govt IT work will be outsourced now...Nice!!! thanks for your life long GOP vote - tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/.../...sting-video.php


no site


February 25. 2011 21:08
TaxiDriver

Up and coming managers don't care if the project turns to crap.  They get high marks for saving tens of thousands of dollars on some two year project, even before the project is completed.  From the op managers perspective, the project is completed once it has been budgeted and commenced.  He can be long gone before reality sets in.  AS soon as the project is underway, the manager gets a big promotion to a different department (or a different company) and a big raise for doing a great job saving money, leaving his fledgling replacement with the mess.  He doesn't care because he's out of there before the stuff hits the fan, working his way up the ladder and leaving crap behind him.  This is why they love two year projects.

TD


http://www.helotry.org/http://www.helotry.org/


United States Jimmy Legaro
February 26. 2011 03:24
Jimmy Legaro

I think we will be seeing the sunset of outsourcing and insourcing. When the Dollar to Rupee rate drops below 40 (40 RS to each dollar) the pressure on the big companies (Wipro, Infosys, Tata etc.) becomes extreme. With the dollar under extreme pressure and fated to fall hard, India's "boom" will deflate like a birthday balloon pricked by a needle. Imagine if a dollar is worth 20 RS! That will double the cost of each outsourced employee! American companies will no longer be able to afford the now expensive Indian programmer.
At that point the good times enjoyed by India e.g. real estate boom etc. will cease. Most real estate in India was forced up by the money from programmers. When Infosys came to Mysore the property rates tripled overnight.
At that point all the H1-B Indians in the U.S. will flee and try to go back to India flooding the labor market(already under severe pressure from layoffs due to lost U.S. contracts) further distressing the Indian economy.
They will learn that labor arbitrage is dependent on stable exchange rates.
I see this coming within a year or so maybe quicker depending on volatile events occurring in the middle east as well as the fallout from the FED's QE2.


no site


United States Kung Pao Problems
March 3. 2011 17:50
Kung Pao Problems

Yo Rat, love the site. Not to derail you from the topic of the great Desi Deluge, but have you run across any "Kung Pao Probrems" yet?

I contract for a not-so-obscure software publisher in the Pac NW, and while we have the Curry Squad stinking up our offices, it seems to be teams full of disobedient, slipshod, rude, inept bastards in Beijing that ultimately take the biggest shit on any project we touch. Help!


no site

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