Tunnel Rat posted on February 8, 2009 16:34
I used my phone to take this picture of the break room at CLS. To the left is slumdog "debeloper" 1 and to the right is slumdog QA 1. The cow is being saved for the big feast once the project is completed.

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Tunnel Rat posted on February 7, 2009 22:56

I have been wondering how my gig at the curry den will end. Here are some scenarios:

1. I will work to end of the contract and will be terminated after the project is completed. This is how most of my gigs are finalized, usually on good terms. More often than not, I get an offer to go perm, which I usually decline.

Probability: 75%

2. A Desi like this one will reveal my Blogger identity by forcing someone at Google to do evil. I will be escorted out, or the Sikh PM will follow me into the bathroom and cut my throat with his kirpan.

Probability: 1%

3. I will find another contract at a place with more Americans and quit. I am still talking to recruiters and would leave in a heartbeat if a better gig came along. I have a phone interview for a big local company tommorrow, and I am a good fit for the reqs. Unfortunately, the guy I am interviewing with is named Patel. Like I said, what we have here is the invasion of the curry-scented pod people.

Probability: 10%

4. I'll lose this round of Desi Gladiator and get escorted out without notice.

Probability: 25%

5. I'll get tired of the hacking and constant re-writting of the slumdog's code and fire off a terse email to Sulu or flame the team in a widely distributed message. I will then be asked to leave. This is how half my gigs end.

Probability: 25%

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Tunnel Rat posted on February 7, 2009 13:52

Like I said, I am the only white male on my team. Here's the lineup:


As a courtesy I am offering the Hindi version of this post for illiterate CEWPS (AS IF there is any other kind).

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Tunnel Rat posted on February 6, 2009 09:15

I got a call from my physical therapist today. You see, I had a major accident a few months ago and broke some bones. (I have to be careful about the details, because I know that the thousands of CEWPS working at Aetna, United HC, etc. will be querying their employer's databases looking for physical therapy claims filed by middle-aged white males in the last six months in an effort to track me down and get me fired at CLS.) That's how they roll, hehehehe...

Anyway, it went something like this:

HER: You haven't been in for therapy for a few weeks. How's it going?

ME: Not good. I had to cancel my follow up with my surgeon and stop PT because I got a new job on the other side of town.

HER: Did you find a clinic near work?

ME: Yeah, but I am afraid to take off until five or six at night because the place I work at is a sweatshop. They fly in Indians five or six at at a time, and they'll fire me in a heartbeat if they think I am slacking.

HER: That sucks!

ME: I know, but I don't have much choice. They can bring some guy in from Delhi to take my job, and I can't take that chance.

HER: You should at least do a couple days of therapy a week. How about the mornings?

ME: Na, my boss, this Hindu dude, is in my cube every morning, around nine, looking for me. I can't afford to be late. I'll get fired.

HER: Okay, but I feel so bad. If you don't rehab, you are going to be permanantly disabled.

ME: I know, but right now, I gotta work. Gotta go, they are keeping track of my breaks.

I hung up, stubbed out my smoke, and went back into the pit.

That afternoon, I got an email from the Asian PM (aka "SULU"):

We have to move today's meeting into the SMALL conference room.

Damn, that should be fun, I thought. There's like, what, 15 people coming to that 4 PM meeting in a 15' x 15' room on a rainy Friday afternoon? Nice.

So at four-ish, Chinaman and I head towards the meeting. There's already a handful of Desis in the room.

The first thing I notice is the stench.

Shit, I haven't smelled something so bad since I took that cab ride in Dubai when our ship pulled into port after the fighting stopped in Gulf War I. Back then, it was 120 degrees and the Indian/Paki/Bangladeshee/[pick one] driving the piece of shit Toyota with no A/C would stop and take out his prayer mat, in the middle of the hot-ass day, and pray on the side of the road.

And the funk in that cab was like M.O.P-Level-4! Don and fuckin' clear!

Man, one of these slumdogs had some serious BO (I don't mean Business Objects), and it reminded me of that cab ride so long ago.

The rest of the crew strolled in, and I scoped the team out.

Hmmmm, let's see...four QA types flown in from Delhi, one a chick (fat unibrow type)...

And then the three slumdog "debelopers" on my team, still jet-lagged from the 14-hour flight from India...

Three Desi tech-leads, including the architect with ADD...

Chinaman, my Desi Gladiator foe...

And a rotund old white lady, the contractor tech writer...

Finally, a liberal hag who took the seat next to me. Man, was she ugly. That bitch looked like
Geddy Lee, only uglier, if that is possible. Tall, skinny, flat-chested, with glasses. She was the Business Analyst, the one putting the reqs together. I think she drives the BMW with the Obama sticker that I saw in the parking lot.

So as Sulu fired up the projector to go over the project plan, it dawned on me.

I was the only white male in the room.

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Awesome post at scholarshipforusa.com.

Here are some bits:

These IT consulting firms are mostly based out the tri-state region with a few scattered in cities with significant desi (people of Indian origin) populations...
The company will provide you with a room in a guest house which you will be sharing with 6 other consultants and scores of mice and roaches...

During the interview, your consulting firm will have people with you listening on to the phone interview. These people will quickly write down answers for you if you get stuck on any technical questions. With all this help, students usually make it through the phone interview after a few failed attempts...

Of course some Dumbass Desis (shit, that is getting to be a redundant term) had to respond in the typical Pidgin English:

deeep Says:
you stupid moron, what should we international student do……. law maker are fucked in their head. they wanna squeeze us till death….. we are helpless…..even though we are good student

Gotta go -- fuckin' Desi architect is probably standing in my cube right now, snooping around, waiting for me and Chinaman to get in so that he can throw some more poorly-spec'd tasks at us and kick off today's round of Desi Gladiator.

Man, I thought for sure I wasn't going to blog tonight, but here am again.

I was so tired after another day as a galley slave in the curry-den, that I crashed after three beers and reading a chapter about Microsoft in Love the Work, Hate the Job.

Microsoft is now the biggest john of the Desi-pimps. Do a Dice.com search in Seattle and you'll see tons of jobs posted by H-1B shops for work in Redmond.

Not that they'll ever hire your cracker ass, but like the great Lawrence M. Lebowitz once said "Our goal is clearly NOT to find a qualified U.S. worker ...". Yeah, that was the same Lebowitz that said ""If someone looks like they are very qualified, if necessary schedule an interview, go through the whole process to find a legal basis to disqualify them."

Most of the curry-scented pod people hate Jews, but they love Mr. Libowitz.

For you coders out there, this is what a typical day looks like in the curry-den:

CEWPs bring the concept of "pair-programming" to a whole new level. All day long, they huddle around a computer, a half-dozen or so, and try to teach each other to code. Five dictate and one types.

That's how they roll.

I am finding out that I don't really have to bust my ass trying to finish coding some class library or custom user control, because within a few hours, one of the CEWPs will come over and tell me to change it. For example, I had to write a file upload custom control today. So the architect tells me to copy and paste some code that one of the slumdogs wrote and use it as the basis for the control.

Well, they are already using a third-party Ajax control with an uploader. And it has a native method to save the file, obviously named something like "SaveAs" and easily implemented.

What did I see in slumdog's code, but ten lines of code to stream a file to the hard drive. WTF?

So I showed the architect and said "Check this out -- all this code, but there is already a method to do this."

At first he was sceptical, so he had me run the code both ways. Same result. File saved. He called the slumdog over and mumbled something in Hindi, pointing at my screen. The "debeloper" shrugged.

That's how they roll.

Brute force coding. Joel Splosky, creator of Excel and a famous coding guru, wrote that he is always looking for coders who are smart and can get things done. BTW, Splosky is a former Israeli paratrooper, so the Desis HATE him.

CEWPs are either smart or they get things done. In the curry den, the architect is smart, and the slumdogs get things done. But you will rarely see one that is both.

I myself am a typical lazy American programmer (as the Desis like say in cyberspace) and I will spend 30 minutes investigating the specs of a third party control or the existing codebase to find the code that will solve my problem. By no means will I sit there and write ten lines of worthless, unreusable crap just to get things done. And I will spell "Transaction" correctly, and comment my code. And format it. But that's just me.

Napoleon said he wanted officers that were smart and lazy -- people like TunnelRat.

Meanwhile the project is still slipping, and the new contractor and I are starting to grasp the reality that the Desis don't know what is going on. The two leads are working till midnight everyday, trying to stabilize the framework. Meanwhile the slumdogs are cranking out stubs of code and UIs that have to be rewritten almost immediately by either myself or my Chinese contractor buddy KCC.

That's how they roll.

Although I am surving another week in the curry-den, for some reason, here I am, blogging in the middle of the night. I woke up wide awake, not even close to dawn. So I go downstairs, smoke a Macanudo, drink a couple of beers, and rant.

In the meantime, 25 million Desis are waging a man-hunt in cyberspace, trying to hunt down the cracker that has infiltrated one of their Hundu I.T. ghettos. It is like a giant game of "Where's Waldo?"

I am sure they are sifting through my posts and flames and trying to put the pieces together so that they can out me at CLS. They are probably contacting fellow slumdogs at Google, the U.S. government, and State Farm (no word back from them), hoping to put a name to the blogger that has so inflamed them. Just so they can get me fired, or worse, burn my house down.

That's how they roll.

To be continued...

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Tunnel Rat posted on February 4, 2009 23:09

Our award this month goes the Greg Suskind, aka "technology columnist for Immigration Law Today, the magazine of the American Immigration Lawyers Association."

Mr. Suskind had the nerve to post a lot of pro-H-1B propaganda on his blog (ie, WHY WE NEED THE H-1B PROGRAM NOW MORE THAN EVER). All I did was post the following paragraph:

In Bloomington at an apartment I was renting was a group of Indians living next door. I spoke with one of the occupants seen on occasion at State Farm, an IT Analyst. As he spoke in broken English he explained there are four of them living in a one bedroom apartment all working for the same Indian outsourcing firm Satyam. It was out of necessity for them to pool their money in order to afford housing. The prevailing wages for a typical IT Analyst in Bloomington, Illinois (2002-2004) averaged in the $40-50 per hour range and he stated he was making $18 per hour less than half of what the going rate was for an American worker (4). Digging deeper I discovered an ugliness where multiple Indian people were living in squalor, in cramped small apartments unable to afford decent affordable housing. It was kept quiet among the H-1Bs one saying the living conditions were far better with four living in a small apartment than they were back home in India.
I got some rather funny responses:

Oh, another one of those fake H1 stories. The problem with your story is that even it were true, it just does not check out withing itself. Bloomington, Illinois has a average per capita income of $24,751 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bloomington,_Illinois), and your fake poor people who were "cramped small apartments unable to afford decent affordable housing" were actually making $36,000 a year, or almost 50% more than per capita income. So, please, next time do not underestimate the intelligence of the people around you - at least come up with a plausible lie.
Oh, I guess I made it all up

James, I agree, the events of the story may not be fake, but his interpretation most certainly is. Read this "Digging deeper I discovered an ugliness where multiple Indian people were living in squalor, in cramped small apartments unable to afford decent affordable housing." - this is a PATENT LIE! Of course, they are able to afford decent housing, and quite frankly, it is none of his business why they chose to live like that!

If anything, he should be praising them for saving their money and not squandering it on new cars every 2 years, 3,000 sq. ft. houses, flat panel TVs in every room - you know the things that got many Americans up to their eye in debt and led to current unreveling of the economy. But of course, for this allegedly moderate-conservative country, these conservative values of hard work and pinching pennies are something of an alien nature, and people who exercise them should be called upon.
Oh, the Desis like to be exploited. Got it.

I had send Mr. Susking a little note:

Mr. Suskind,

You can keep deleting my comments, but I am getting thousands of hits on my blog each day as I document the struggle of an American programmer (USMC vet, and Hungarian refugee that became a citizen, legally) working in an H-1B sweatshop. The picture is not pretty -- forced overtime, discrimination of non-Hindus, alienation, and harassment.

I am working on getting a Flash developer on Craigslist to take your headshot from your website and superimposing it on a picture of a gay porn star having anal sex with a middle-aged white guy (I'll have him look like a geek programmer). Then I will find some stock photo of a Sikh man or a pretty boy Bollywood star, and superimpose a large penis on him, and you'll have that large penis in your mouth. The Flash guy will be able to animate the whole scene, so that the Desi's penis is pumping into your mouth and you will be driving your own penis into the anus of the American programmer.

The subtext will be obvious -- you fellating a Hindu indentured servant will you anally rape an American programmer. Metaphorically speaking, isn't that what you and the rest of the immigration lawyers do every day?

This clip will loop over and over like a mini-porno flick, and I will post it on the banner of my blog. Then I will repeatedly mention "Greg Siskind's Blog" and "ILW.COM" in my posts, and my traffic will cause my blog to show up at the top of the list when anybody searches for either of those terms.

I've already started to get the responses from this ad:


If this offends you, feel free to send your C & D to tunnelrat@itgrunt.com. I will then post all of our correspondence on www.itgrunt.com, driving further traffic to my blog to publicize the plight of the displaced American programmer and the bully lawyers who tried to silence him.

Good Day, Mr. H-1B pimp.

Tunnel Rat

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Tunnel Rat posted on February 4, 2009 22:53

Damn, I almost blew my wad on that whole H-1B Pimp of the Month post, but I just couldn’t help myself.

I didn’t think I had any material for today, but the drive home gets the creative juices flowing. So, now I’ll get back to the CLS topic…

Day 9, and still alive in Desiville.

But the Desi Gladiator match is heating up.

Chinaman and I have been having lunch and sharing smokes all week. He finally got his system set up and working on some code. I myself have been getting pulled in all directions for the last two days while three CEWPs try to figure out how they want to me code this damn upload control. Each code review ends up in a Hindi squabble over whether to chuck the file as a BLOB to the database, save it the server, stream it somewhere, whatever. So what should have taken a day is taking two.

And I started to get a bad vibe from the architect, like he was getting impatient.

But he was the one suffering from ADD and overwork, causing him to be unable to make quick design decisions. And I was starting to get a little paranoid.

Did he expect this done in two hours? Why did he change his mind so often?

So when Chinaman started having problems, I was hesitant to help him. First, he was shocked to find out that there is a database, but no tables or objects – he would have to create them. A couple of slumdogs huddled over his shoulder, and told him to open up TOAD .

“Toad? What’s that?” he asked.

Oh shit, you do NOT do that in Desiville. You are expected to be familiar with the tools used to manage the giant black box called the Oracle database, or they will shitcan you ricky-ticky. Never mind that they have a Desi DBA, but no one knows what he does.

I leaned over and got him up and running. Showed him how to connect, use the Schema Browser, and how to create scripts and objects. But I was losing time on my upload control, and I felt that the architect was getting antsy. And I wasn’t about to lose this round of Desi Gladiator.

I took Chinaman outside for a smoke. I’m up to half a pack a day now. That’s life in the salt mines.

“Look, dude, I’ll help you out as much as I can, but I got work to do,” I explained.

“Sure, no problem, I just haven’t worked with Oracle in a while.”

“Yeah, I get it. But you have to understand, I once worked at a consulting company on a massive web project that was way behind schedule, kinda like this place. So they have me do a phone screening of three guys in New Jersey. One was Hispanic, another a white dude, and then some H-1B. The H-1B was sharp, so I told the boss to hire him. The guy they flew in wasn’t the same dude – it was some Pakistani who couldn’t speak English. He couldn’t even open InterDev. He was a dick also – real mean and surly. I spent a week carrying his ass, then got fired for not making my deliverables. That dumbass got stay for a couple of weeks because it was in his contract.”

Chinaman stubbed out his Marlboro Red. “That company should have got some karmic payback,” he said.

“Oh, they did. Went bust in the dot-com crash. But just so you know, I’ll help you out as much as I can, but this is the kind of place that will dump a guy like me if they think I ain’t keeping up.”

That was almost ten years ago, and to this day I haven’t forgotten that experience of getting fucked by some Desi agency and their H-1B whore. I guess I have some form of DTSD - Desi Traumatic Stress Disorder. The symptoms are paranoia, insomnia, and blogging compulsively.

And now it is time for payback.

They have a saying about Marines – No Better Friend, No Worse Enemy.

Thanks to that H-1B pimp and the Paki slumdog years ago, I am now in full combat mode. Sorry if some nice, well-meaning Indians here on legitimate work visas that can code and communicate in English get hurt along the way, but they call that collateral damage. And isn't that, like, what, .04% of all the Desis?

The mission now is to abolish the H-1B program and send the CEWPs home. Phase one of that mission is to destroy the myth that programmers are a commodity and a 25-year old slumdog from Delhi with a phony resume can do the same job as a 15-yr I.T. vet. The rally point for that phase of the operation is here at ITGrunt.com.

Don’t ever get between a Marine and his mission.

Gotta go to bed now -- big day tommorrow. The dumbass Asian PM scheduled a standing meeting of the entire development team (about 15 people, with just four honkies and Chinaman, the rest Hindus) for 4 PM on Friday. What kind if sick fuck schedules a weekly dev meeting at FOUR IN THE AFTERNOON EVERY FRIDAY.

A sick Desi-dicksucker, if you ask me.

To be continued…

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Tunnel Rat posted on February 4, 2009 16:45

The Daily Kos, the lunatic left site, has a post from the Donna Conroy of Bright Future Jobs:

Nationwide Arrests of Offshore Labor Contractors for H-1b Fraud

It's time to play fair. Now.

Update: >ICE reporting what Bright Future Jobs has said for years. H-1bs come here and discover they don't even have a job!

the companies allegedly have not always had jobs available for these workers,thereby placing them in non-pay status after they arrive in the United States.

So much for Bill Gates demand for the "best and the brightest"!

Now the left has joined with the right-wing folks like myself and VDare to put an end to the scam called the H-1B visa.

I'll let Bright Future Jobs, Programmer's Guild, NumbersUSA, VDare, Wastech, etc. fight the battle in politically correct terms.

BTW, I made a contribution to BFJ. You should also, unless you don't mind losing your job to an illiterate slumdog.

I myself am a covert operator, exposing the scams from the inside, in blunt, no holds barred and politically incorrect manner.

This is not the Utne Reader, folks.

And please stop telling me that I need therapy or medication. I know it is the goal of the curry-scented pod-people and their apoligists and enablers to turn the American programmer into a docile, castrated zombie who sits cowering in his cube, fearing for his job as the Desi taskmasters take over. I suggest that you people curl yourselves up in little ball and go fuck yourselves.

I am not giving in.

I have skills, talent, balls, a pleasant demeanor, years of experience, and do not deserve to be marginalized just because I am white. I have done more for this country than any H-1B -- literally. My six years (1460 days) of service in the Marine Corps is more than the sum of service for the entire H-1B populace, and probably the whole Desi community.

So I deserve a career, bastards, and will not go quitely into the cab driving business just because some Americans prefer exotic brown people to middle-aged white guys.

Over and Out.

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Tunnel Rat posted on February 3, 2009 13:55

Man, that freaked me out. I thought for sure I was busted. I must have just been paronoid, 'cause I was sure that I saw all the "debelopers" reading itgrunt.com this morning. But all the Asian PM wanted was for me to sign my timesheet.

But like I said, no web surfing allowed in the curry den. The slumdog H-1B on my team wouldn't even go to Adobe's site to download Acrobat Reader the other day -- he said "no, can't do dat."

I'm still cruising around the cubes, checking to see if anyone has ImmigrationVoice open, reading a copy of my "Real Resume" that some Desi posted there in an attempt to out me.

I could just see it now, a bunch of CEWPS trying to find clues in my blog in order to out me at CLS. They are probably googling the terms Big-Fucking-Real-Estate-Company, Giant-Fortune500-Company, Huge-Payroll-Outsourcing-Company, Big-Ass-Food-Conglomerate, Big HMO, ultra-cool Web-Design Firm, Giant-Japanese-Tech-Company, fly-by-night consulting company, and bankrupt dot-com company to see if such a resume shows up on Dice. Slumdogs aren't too swift, as you may have noticed if you have ever tried to get your computer fixed with the help of some marble-mouth in Mumbai.

But finally, I have a friend at CLS. He started today -- the mysterious second contractor. My buddy didn't get the gig, so I texted him:

ME: New guy started today. Asian geek with bad teeth and bad breath. Seems nice enough.

HIM: A perfect hire. You should stop bathing and eat more cabbage

Man, I love that dude, I wish we could be working together.

But, no, one more honkey would have caused an imbalance in the 10% white/90% non-white ratio that CLS has to follow. So I had to get to know the new guy because we share a cube.

I was impressed. Not by his teeth or his breath, but his shear uber-geek persona. He was a freakin' Kwai Chang Caine (I'll just call him that from now on, KCC for short). He knew it all, everything from Javascript to XSLT, even crap like HTC. Stuff I never cared to learn, because I knew it would be obsolete in a few years. But I could sure use his help on some client-side shit, which I suck at.

So we had lunch, and I really dig the guy. We shared a smoke afterwards -- he smokes half a pack of cowboy killers a day -- and I realized how lonely I was at CLS. Over a week there, and no one to talk to, no headphones, just the sound of Hindi bickering and the banging of keyboards. It was harshing my buzz.

Even with a couple Anglos sitting a dozen feet from me, there was never a "Hello, I'm so-and-so." Just stink-eye from the Desi's, marble-mouthed code reviews from the slumdogs on my team, and little else. No Super Bowl pool, no bs-ing about the weather -- nada, nill. Although I liked the work, it just didn't feel right. Plus I didn't have a fob to even get in the place.

But at least now I had KCC to chat with, even though he is kind of a motor mouth. That's okay, because the architect came by our cube today to see how things were going, and I asked if it was ok to listen to music. He said "Its ok with me, sure," which in the passive aggressive world of Desiland means "It is not my fault if the Sikh PM decides that you are a typical lazy American that needs to be replaced by another slumdog from Dehli."

What bugs me is the chance that the CEWPS are going to play a little Desi Gladiator with me and my new Chinaman friend. Desi Gladiator is a game with the following rules:

1. The Desi company has one spot they are forced to fill with a local in order to meet the H-1B or L-1 requirements.

2. Instead of hiring the best candidate from amongst the HUGE pool of American programmers looking for work, they play two I.T. staffing agencies against each other and force them to drop their rates by saying that so-and-so from yada-yada is willing to work for such-and-such.

3. Once they have lowballed both firms, the Desi company brings in the two U.S. citizens, at a discounted rate.

4. A company like CLS then places both contractors in the same cube, and throws a ton of deliverables at them. The one who can complete the most of the poorly-spec'd assignments in the least amount of time gets to stay.

5. After a couple of weeks, the losing gladiator is escorted out of the building without notice because he has been hired under an "At-will employment" contract.

6. The remaining U.S. citizen is left to be the scapegoat for the project failure after the slumdogs have botched the front-end, middle-tier, and back-end modules. He will then be fired by the Desis, who will then have an immigration lawyer document the case in an application to the DOL stating that CLS has proven that no Americans can do the job, and they even hired two locals that failed. Thus, they must bring in two more H-1Bs or L-1s for the next project.

7. The cycle repeats itself, until the Desis have established an Indian-only I.T. ghetto and can go back to communal lunches, Hindi gossip, and writing bad code.

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- Vineet Nayar, CEO, HCL Technologies

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The thoughts expressed on this blog may or may not be the author's own and are protected by the 1st Amendment. Any attempt to reveal his identity by contacting a slumdog hack at Google, or a corrupt Desi sys-admin at his ISP will be dealt with promptly and severely. Civil and criminal penalties may apply if one is found to have used private information in an attempt to get the author fired at the Hindu-only I.T. ghetto he currently works at. In addition, any Desi who attempts to burn the author's house down because they are enraged over his writing will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. This isn't India.

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