Tunnel Rat posted on January 8, 2009 13:32

The head of one of India's biggest CEWP outfits has gotten busted for fraud.

Damn, that means all the H-1Bs Satyam (which mean TRUTH - ROFL!) sends to the U.S. will now be out of a job. Bummer.

I hope they have Vaseline in the Indian prison you will spend the rest of your life in, Mr. H-1B Pimp.

NEW DELHI — Satyam Computer Services, a leading Indian outsourcing company that serves more than a third of the Fortune 500 companies, significantly inflated its earnings and assets for years, the chairman and co-founder said Wednesday, roiling Indian stock markets and throwing the industry into turmoil.

The chairman, Ramalinga Raju, resigned after revealing that he had systematically falsified accounts as the company expanded from a handful of employees into a back-office giant with a work force of 53,000 and operations in 66 countries.

Mr. Raju said Wednesday that 50.4 billion rupees, or $1.04 billion, of the 53.6 billion rupees in cash and bank loans the company listed as assets for its second quarter, which ended in September, were nonexistent.

Revenue for the quarter was 20 percent lower than the 27 billion rupees reported, and the company’s operating margin was a fraction of what it declared, he said Wednesday in a letter to directors that was distributed by the Bombay Stock Exchange.

Satyam serves as the back office for some of the largest banks, manufacturers, health care and media companies in the world, handling everything from computer systems to customer service. Clients have included General Electric, General Motors, Nestlé and the United States government. In some cases, Satyam is even responsible for clients’ finances and accounting.

The revelations could cause a major shake-up in India’s enormous outsourcing industry, analysts said, and may force many large companies to investigate and perhaps revamp their back offices.

“This development is going to have a major impact on Satyam’s business with its clients,” said analysts with Religare Hichens Harrison on Wednesday. In the short term “we will see lot of Satyam’s clients migrating to competition like Infosys, TCS and Wipro,” they said. Satyam is the fourth-largest outsourcing firm after the three named.

In the four-and-a-half page letter distributed by the Bombay stock exchange, Mr. Raju described a small discrepancy that grew beyond his control. “What started as a marginal gap between actual operating profit and the one reflected in the books of accounts continued to grow over the years. It has attained unmanageable proportions as the size of company operations grew,” he wrote. “It was like riding a tiger, not knowing how to get off without being eaten.”

Mr. Raju said he had tried and failed to bridge the gap, including an effort in December to buy two construction firms in which the company’s founders held stakes. Speaking of a “deep regret” and a “tremendous burden,” Mr. Raju said that neither he nor the co-founder and managing director, B. Rama Raju, had “taken one rupee/dollar from the company.” He said the board had no knowledge of the situation, nor did his or the managing director’s families.

The size and scope of the fraud raises questions about regulatory oversight in India and beyond. In addition to India, Satyam has been listed on the New York Stock Exchange since 2001, and on Euronext since January of 2008. The company has been audited by PricewaterhouseCoopers since its listing on the New York Stock exchange.

Satyam has been under close scrutiny in recent months, after an October report that the company had been banned from World Bank contracts for installing spy software on some World Bank computers. Satyam denied the accusation but in December, the World Bank confirmed without elaboration on the cause that Satyam had been banned. Also in December, Satyam’s investors revolted after the company proposed buying two firms with ties to Mr. Raju’s sons.

On Dec. 30, analysts with Forrester Research warned that corporations that rely on Satyam might ultimately need to stop doing business with the company. “Firms should take the initial steps of reviewing the exit clauses in their current Satyam contracts,” in case management or direction of the company changed, Forrester said.

The scandal raised questions over accounting standards in India as a whole, as observers asked whether similar problems might lie buried elsewhere. The risk premium for Indian companies will rise in investors’ eyes, said Nilesh Jasani, India strategist at Credit Suisse.

R. K. Gupta, managing director at Taurus Asset Management in New Delhi, told Reuters: “If a company’s chairman himself says they built fictitious assets, who do you believe here?” The fraud has “put a question mark on the entire corporate governance system in India,” he said.

News of the scandal — quickly compared with the collapse of Enron — sent jitters through the Indian stock market, and the benchmark Sensex index fell more than 5 percent. Shares in Satyam fell more than 70 percent.

Just a few months ago, Mr. Raju was trying to persuade investors that the company was sound. In October, he surprised analysts with better-than-expected results, saying he was “pleased” that the company had “achieved this in a challenging global macroeconomic environment, and amidst the volatile currency scenario that became reality.”

But by late December, it seems he had little support from the board or investors, and four of the company’s directors resigned in recent weeks. Satyam recently retained Merrill Lynch for strategic advice, a move that is generally a precursor to a sale.

Mr. Raju said in his statement that he “sincerely apologized” to shareholders and employees and asked them to stand by the company. “I am now prepared to subject myself to the laws of the land and face consequences thereof,” he said.

Posted in:   Tags: ,
Tunnel Rat posted on January 7, 2009 13:23

I really don't have time for this kind of stuff, but I was searching Dice for a job and came across one of those questionnaires that you have to fill out when applying for a position.

As usual, the CEWP that put this together can't write in proper English. None of them can -- they write English worse than they speak it, yet I had to pass numerous English classes to get my degree, and if I wrote like this clown, I would have failed. (My blog doesn't count, sometimes I write after a few drinks or when I am really pissed off, or both.)

But since we live in the age of rampant political correctness, this recruiter gets a pass. And I guarantee that all H-1Bs will get submitted for this position before a non-CEWP like myself.

BTW, makes sure to sign up for Hire Americans First

Posted in:   Tags:
Tunnel Rat posted on December 22, 2008 13:53

I’ve got the blogging bug again, and now I have some time to finish the saga of my jobs at SIAN (Sweatshop In A Nightclub) and more. I can’t wait to write about how was able to extort $6,000 of unpaid wages from a bankrupt dot-com that tried to stiff me. I told you, I am like the Zodiac Killer, emerging from periods of dormancy to inflict terror, or in my case, politically incorrect rants about the work I do.

I’ll get to that soon enough, but for now I wanted to fantasize about being able to send a real resume to a prospective employer. We all know I.T. resumes are bullshit, so what if I didn’t care, and could just be honest with folks. It would look something like this:

Eye T. Grunt
Upyours St.
Bumfuck, FU, 66666




Early 1980’s:
· Yada-Yada High School 1 – Expelled after driving ’72 Pontiac
through school fence. Twice.

· Yada-Yada High School 2 – Graduated with B Avg. Started
programming computers.

· WhatEver Junior College – Dropped out after 1 ½ years of
taking engineering classes. Learned how to program in BASIC and flunked
Beginning GPA: 3.5. Ending GPA: 2. something.


Mid 1980’s

Custom cabinetmaker, draftsman, installer – 2 years:

· Learned how to operate power tools under the influence of alcohol. Held five
jobs for various companies run by rednecks and burnouts. Fired once for wrecking company truck by getting it stuck in a drive-thru car wash.

Commercial cabinetmaker, salesman for general contractor – 4 months:

· Underbid jobs in order to not get fired and finally terminated when invoices came in. Moved back home and signed up for Marine Corps

Late 1980’s to early 1990’s

United States Marine Corps – 6 years:

· Infantryman, Humvee driver, anti-tank assault-man, radio operator.

· Slept in dirt, carried huge pack while getting dragged around by handset. Disciplined numerous times for things like sneaking women into barracks and drinking on duty.

· Achieved Expert on rifle range after a night of no sleep and excessive beer consumption. Learned to walk for eight hours straight with a 60-lb pack and a hangover, while chain-smoking.

· Busted to Private after getting hit by car in Korea while on liberty and charged with multiple violations of the UCMJ. Restricted to ship for 45 days with loss of pay and extra duty.

· Spent nine months overseas during Gulf War I. Jumped into stolen Humvee with three other Marines and drove from Saudi port to Kuwait City to take pictures of dead enemy after cease-fire. Almost court-martialed after telling big black Gunnery Sergeant (AKA, ‘My Boss’) to “shut the fuck up” after night of drinking in Dubai. Charges dropped. Awarded Combat Action Ribbon.

· Promoted to Corporal and transferred to Marine Corps Air Wing. Got desk job buying supplies and computers for military training academy after being disciplined for writing nasty letter to the Commanding General’s Office. Learned how to fix computers and write Excel macros.

· Awarded Good Conduct Medal, Navy Achievement Medal, and promoted to Sergeant. Honorably Discharged.

Mid 1990’s
Systems Engineer – 1 ½ years:

· Got job at small company after lying about “extensive, but top-secret” computer experience in military. Sent to big companies to fix servers and setup networks. Turned into programmer after mentioning the acronym “SQL” in a meeting. Starting hacking Access applications. Quit after fellow worker acted like a know-it-all geek while insulting my programming skills.

Independent Consultant – 6 months:

· Made a good living hacking Access programs for small businesses while I went to night school. Earned Bachelor’s Degree after 13 Years.

Permanent Employee – 1 Year:

· Programmer at Big-Fucking-Real-Estate-Company. Worked on legacy migration project that was three years behind schedule.

· Learned that contractors make better money and corporate work sucks. Became good at hacking, messing things up, and acting like I knew it all. In short, being a typical FTE.

Independent Visual Basic Programmer – 3 years:

· Recruited out of Big-Fucking-Real-Estate-Company to help another contractor/drinking buddy write Visual Basic program for client he found on CompuServe. Worked out of house, writing bad VB code and over-billing client.

Late 1990’s

Contract Programmer – 9 months:

· Placed at Giant-Fortune500-Company. Tasked with writing VB reporting application. When asked by FTE if I would use a “class” to accomplish some of the program functionality, responded by saying “sure, I can give you a class on programming VB.” As a Visual Basic programmer, realized I knew nothing about real programming.

· Spent entire length of contract teaching myself the basics of Object-Oriented Programming while working unsupervised for clueless project manager (AKA, ‘My Boss’). Left when Giant-Fortune500-Company underwent massive reorg and FTEs who had been programming at company for years started begging me for leads or side-work.

Independent Web Developer – 3 months:

· Learned ASP/Javascript/HTML while working out of the house for my consultant/drinking buddy during dot-com boom.

Contract Web Developer – 6 Months:

· Hired to build e-commerce web site for restaurant delivery company that was probably funded by the mob. Learned n-tier development and COM+. Contract terminated after company refused to pay more than the $30,000 that they were told the site would cost and bigshot consulting company got stiffed for $50,000.

· Spent 3-months trying to get last timesheet signed by bigshot consulting company, and eventually redirected their web site to nasty bestiality/tranny website. Received last pay check within hours.

Contract Web Developer – 1 Month:

· Placed at Big I.T. Consulting Company to work on web site. Told to screen H-1Bs programmers and then train them after they were hired.

· Ignored demands to use company standard components and wrote my own code, stating that “error handlers aren’t really necessary if the code is good.” Terminated with half-day notice by team lead (AKA, ‘My Boss’) who said “we need some heavy hitters here [like our permanent employees]”

· Vowed personally to never get fired for being a bad coder, especially one that could be replaced by an H-1B or an FTE.


· Went back to take to school and spent thousands on extension classes, seminars, and books to learn .NET.
Early 2000’s to Mid 2000’s

Contract Web Developer – 1 ½ years:

· ASP and Visual Basic Programmer for Huge-Payroll-Outsourcing-Company. Joined team of 12 developers, with half being FTEs who were COBOL programmers being retrained to be Web Developers. Wrote massive amounts of code while FTEs sat around, took long lunches, and tried to deny access to databases.

· Engaged in verbal altercation with Vietnamese contractor who sent email to team and all bosses calling me an “idiot.” Contractor eventually laid off by my project manager and fellow drinking buddy (AKA, ‘My Boss’).

· Watched as aforementioned FTEs were escorted out of building by security during layoff.

· Offered full-time position by sharp middle-aged white manager, who was fired the next day.

· Got into verbal altercation with his replacement, (Army vet and former COBOL programmer with no web experience – AKA ‘My Boss’), when he tried to tell me how to write a javascript function. Developed further resentment of U.S. Army.

· Last one of team of 12 to be laid off as project was turned over to Indian off-shore company (Infosys).

Contract Programmer – 8 months:

· Forced to take a job at Big-Ass-Food-Conglomerate during bad economy. Sat in training room for one month doing nothing. Told to write dynamic SQL, Visual Basic, and listen to nasty FTE mainframe programming lady (a fat Serbian Nazi Jew Hater) with bad breath explain legacy system to me.

· Moved to different floor, doing little while project stalled. Watched as team of Indian (maybe Pakistani) offshore consultants botched SAP migration and had communal lunches of stinky food.

· Had verbal altercation with incompetent Indian female programmer who was hired by her Indian husband, the head of applications development (AKA, ‘My Boss’).

· Reassigned to work “Operations” in windowless room with six other programmers, mostly Indians. Offended another female Indian programmer when stating that India is the only developed country that still has the plague, and that you can get your dental work done on the street for very little money.

· Left to take first job that would get me out of curry-smelling, windowless programming dungeon.

Contract To Hire Programmer – 1 Year:

· Hired by Big HMO to develop Visual Basic applications. Told it was a 3-month contract, but did nothing for three months. Spent time reading confidential mental health records in claims database and searching for names of people I knew that may be suffering from homicidal tendencies.

· May or may not have saved some private claims information to a thumb drive in case it would prove useful in the future.

· Accepted position with pathetically low salary because the economy sucked, and I liked the manager, a big black guy (AKA, ‘My Boss’) from back East who used to work for EDS.

· Finished projects in weeks that were budgeted for months by fascist PMO in love with waterfall model and RUP. Watched as long time FTEs bullied and harassed various other FTEs.

· Given .NET project by boss and lunch mate, infuriating team of long-time FTEs stuck with maintaining legacy systems in obsolete languages.

· Convinced boss to bring in hot-shot Microsoft evangelist and .NET consultant to teach me ASP.NET and VB.NET. Completed .NET application while being sabotaged and badmouthed by cliquish, incompetent team of developers, analysts, and project managers.

· Reassigned to another project. Got into verbal altercation with nerdish team lead who sent email to team and management that expressed his view that I was “stupid and uncreative.”
· Quit after being unable to get lateral move out of claims division.


Permanent Employee, Web Developer – 1 ½ years

· Left Big HMO to work for ultra-cool “Web-Design Firm.” First big project was working on web sites for Giant-Computer-Company. Developed serious carpal-syndrome issues after working 16-hours days with manic-depressive account executive bitch screaming in my face.

· Spent Thanksgiving holiday working on web site for equine-faced motivational speaker client who “had to get the new site up by Christmas so that he could sell videos and colon-cleansers.”

· Left company Christmas party early after watching head account executive rub junior account executive’s crotch. Came in next day to finish shopping cart for equine-faced motivational speaker’s site. Alone.

· Spent a month cleaning up hacks after equine-faced motivational speaker’s company delayed the launch of site because “it wasn’t like Amazon.” Got into verbal altercation with junior account executive because of scope-creep.

· Worked on massive data exchange project for Giant-Computer-Company with no specs and tiny budget. Posted 5,000 lines of code written by fellow employee (AKA ‘My Boss’) in my cube with the heading “Worst Code Ever Written.”

· Secretly bought $7,000 of software with own credit card and deployed it Giant-Computer-Company’s web site so that I could get the job done.

· Called Senior Account Executive the “C-Word” and prepared to quit. Fired the next day, ensuring one month’s severance and reimbursement of my $7,000 after threatening legal action.
Permanent Employee, Applications Developer – 1 week

· Hired by Small-Medical-Claims-Clearing-House-Company because senior developer “was not happy.”

· Witnessed HIPAA violations, bootlegged software, and high school students dealing with confidential medical data. Observed numerous “Boy-Toys” prancing around office.

· Fired by gay owner (AKA, ‘My Boss’) because senior developer decided to stick around.

· Reported company to every agency known to man dealing with software piracy and medical confidentiality. Posted numerous derogatory statements about company on internet.

· Received phone call and threatened by gay owner of Small-Medical-Claims-Clearing-House-Company that I “would be sued for millions of dollars.” Suggested to gay owner of Small-Medical-Claims-Clearing-House-Company to insert his own penis into his own alimentary canal.

Permanent Employee, Director, Applications Development – 6 weeks

· Hired to lead team of four, maybe five, or as few as two developers for quizi-government heath-care agency. Stabilized web sites, re-wrote code, and engaged in verbal altercations with Vietnamese programmer (AKA, ‘Charlie’) who was sabotaging my efforts.

· Threatened to report Director of Applications Development (AKA, ‘My Boss’) for lax security of the agency web site and letting ‘Charlie’ do whatever he wanted. Fired the next day, along with ‘Charlie.’

Independent Contractor – 3 Weeks

· Hired by fly-by-night consulting company to get web site finished. Forced to work on Pentium III computer that was at least 15 years old. Demanded new equipment and dealt with abusive project manager (AKA, ‘My Boss’) while learning C#.

· Finished web site and walked into bosses office and quit.

Contract Programmer – 3 Months

· Placed by agency at Giant-Japanese-Tech-Company. Assigned to finish time-tracking application that was almost finished. Spent duration of contract blogging, learning C# more, and answering questions on Experts-Exchange.Com.

· One of four Anglos on a floor of hundreds of Indians, Japanese, Vietnamese, and Chinese. Explored origins of Aryan Brotherhood prison gang while surfing the Net constantly.

· Achieved Guru status on Experts-Exchange.Com for answering hundreds of questions while billing full-time for Giant-Japanese-Tech-Company and doing nothing for Mr. Nguyen (AKA, ‘My Boss’), who reported to Mr. Nguyen, who had no less than six direct reports with the last name of “Nguyen.”

Contract Programmer – 6 Months

· Placed by agency to work for soon-to-be-defunct dot-com company. Told to write two-file extracts in six months and was done in six weeks.

· Learned more .Net on dot-com company’s dime while spending at least one hour a day engaging in verbal altercations about politics with rabid liberal gay contractor in the next cube and dealing with obnoxious Indian programmer that would stand over my shoulder, commenting on my code in a thick, curry-scented accent.

· Met all deadlines, wrote code that passed peer-review and was deployed to production, while being verbally harassed by female DBA suffering from menopause or PTSD.

· Offered full time job by highly respected manager (AKA, ‘My Boss’) and declined. Told by manager (Navy Vet, EOD) to let HR know in my exit interview that previously mentioned DBA was a “fucking cunt” and that he could not retain good people with her around.

Contract Programmer – 1 year

· Placed by agency to work on web site remotely for company based in another state. Waded through tons of hacks, stabilized site, and delivered solid enhancements and new applications without specs (unless ‘build an accounting system’ can be called a ‘spec’).

· Worked 10 hours/wk while billing for 40 hours/wk for 14 months for team that I had never met in person. Engaged in numerous side-projects, spent time at the gym, took my daughter work everyday and rode my bike consistently while meeting all deadlines and deliverables.

· Terminated after getting into verbal altercation with alcoholic, chain-smoking bimbo (AKA, “My Boss”) in weekly conference call over the fact that it was not my fault that her nebulous demands and random complaints did not constitute “project management.”

Independent Web Consultant – 3 Months

· Created new web site for bankrupt dot-com that offered to share office space so that I could work on side projects for my out-of-state client.

· Racked up $6,000 of billable hours while launching new site for corrupt dot-com. Fired after verbally altercation with CFO, who refused to pay for work done.

· Shut down site via numerous back-doors after CFO tried to turn over development to another firm, stating that “I would get my money like all the other vendors” who were owed $250,000.

· Sent hostile email to dot-com shareholders, threatening to mass-email 35,000 subscribers of web-site, asking for donations for my unpaid work.

· Engaged in verbal altercation with company’s lawyer, and received full payment via Fed-Ex the next day after signing non-disclosure agreement.

Consultant – 6 Months or so until I get fired

· Hired by consultant/drinking-buddy/poker-pal/long-time mentor to help his client (AKA, “My Boss”) -- whom had I known for over 10 years, and was my manager at aforementioned ‘Big-Fucking-Real-Estate-Company’.

· Directed to “keep things running until said manager (AKA, “My Boss”) could shit-can primadona 27-yr old programmer who may or may not quit any day.”

· Dealt with gang of passive-aggressive snakes (AKA, “My Team”) while trying to keep multiple web-sites from crashing. Daily.

· Almost fired for locking inept Persian bimbo developer out of SourceSafe after she returned from maternity leave and started removing my code that had resolved major production bug.

· Almost fired again for walking out during major production release when previously mentioned gang of passive-aggressive snakes (AKA, “My Team”) tried to blame deploy problems on my web code.

· Engaged in verbal altercation with most-likely-gay DBA who told manager (AKA, “My Boss”) that everything wrong with the release was my fault. Sent home for the rest of the week by manager.

· Retained until further notice by manager -- whom I had known for over ten years -- (AKA, “My Boss”) after verbal warning and pleas not to “piss off the team” and assurance that I would be around until I found another contract or the end of the month, whichever comes first. Shook hands and gave manager (AKA, “My Boss”) the “don’t every try to fuck me again” look.

· Resumed development, declined invitation to sushi lunch with passive-aggressive snakes (AKA, “My Team”), updated resume and began interviewing for next gig.


Posted in:   Tags:
Tunnel Rat posted on December 19, 2008 13:45

My latest contract is winding down, and I my hours got cut to three days a week starting in January. So I really have nothing to lose by going out with a bang and letting my team of shitbirds know how I feel about them.

After 6-months in that snake pit, I knew my days were numbered and that I might not even make it to the end of December without getting thrown under the bus by the inept FTEs (Full-Time-Employees) that make my life a living hell.

BTW, we contractors hate FTEs. In know, the feeling is mutual. We make more money, know more, and don't have to suck dick and brown-nose all the time to stay gainfully employed. FTEs, on the other hand, have stale skills, bad grooming habits, and generally are addicted to hacking. Hacking is known by IT professionals to be an addiction, and once picked up, hard to break. Every single damn FTE I have ever worked with is a hacker. Every one, except maybe former contractors forced to take a full time gig.

Yeah, I was an FTE for at most 18 months and as little as a week. I hated it. The stupid office politics, the shitty computers, the bad chairs, and the constant battle to keep your dignity amongst a pack of back-stabbing jackals. I call being an FTE time "In The Box", which is what they did to Cool Hand Like after the dogs and jailers caught up to him.

So after a particular nasty week where the FTEs in charge of the database stuff made a major clusterfuck of a new build to a prod website, I decided to get even.

All my web code was fine, pushed live, and ready for UAT. After sitting around for two hours watching these monkeys attempt to get the data warehouse working, I went home.

I'd seen these Chinese fire drills before (funny, one of the database guys is Chinese -- there has got to be a reason it's called a Chinese fire drill and not a Hungarian or Irish fire drill).

I didn't want to stay around all night watching the gay dba and his gang of clowns have another one of their circle-jerks trying to get the prod database up and running, so I told them that I had better things to do. I said I'd be online at home in an hour and I'll check things then.

The other contractor on the team, the most-likely-in-the-closet-homo database guy, looked at me like I had just cum in his mouth without giving him a hint.

He wrinkled his nose, got all wide-eyed, and said "Uh, ok, what's, ahh, your number?"

"666," I replied.

The team laughed. You gotta keep the morale up in times of stress.

I gave the guy my phone number and left.

I checked my voicemail a half-hour later, and it is my boss, freaked out. Supposedly nothing is working on the web site, and gay dba says it’s all my fault.

Now, my boss is a good guy, one of the best, but his team of FTEs feeds him full of shit to cover their ass. So this was just another case of "Gang-Bang the Contractor."

And I was ready.

Man was I ready.

I called him back and let him know my web stuff was golden -- it is all backend crap that didn't get deployed or is broken. Nothing I could do.

"But [gay dba] said that it was all your fault," the boss tells me.

"That's fucking bullshit," I said. "I'll look into it, but it’s the usual crap. They screw up the database deploy, and blame me. Not to sound defensive, but it happens with every build." I went on and on, letting him know in no uncertain terms that I did not appreciate being the scapegoat for this fiasco.

"Ok, let's just get it figured out," he said.

"I'm here for you man, no worries. I'll send you an email as soon as I find out what's up." I hung up.

Sure enough, an entire set of database changes was not scripted and run. Plus, about four people on the team were updating the same code, the same tables, and someone was pushing dev builds of the site to PROD. All without letting anyone know.

I got hold of the bimbo Persian FTE. "I gotta figure out what the deal with the prod site is. You haven't made any changes, have you?" I asked.

"Uh, well, I did try to fix something and deployed the web site from my machine to prod...but, it, uh, didn't fix the problem," she said, fessing up. I told you all FTEs are hacks.

"Hey, you cannot be doing that," I told her. "That is dev code, untested, and now it is prod. I gotta get that rolled-back off the web farm and figure out what is going on. Stay off the servers. Please." I hung up.

Finally, I restored to build, pushed a couple of procs to PROD, and suddenly THE SITE STARTED WORKING.

It was 10 PM and I was pissed. I figured my boss would blame me for the botched build and believe the shit the FTEs were feeding him.

I'd be fired the next day, or so I thought.

I went in early and walked by his office. He was on the phone, and waved at me. Huh, I guess I lived to fight another day. Now, time for some payback.

First I verbally took the head off of the Chinese guy that was updating the entire prod database (without emailing anyone) at the same time I was trying to stabilize the site and troubleshoot the problems.

FYI, Asians don't know how to use email. It's something about how effective it is to communicate things, and that is against their nature. You, know letting people know what the hell you are doing is something that they refuse to do. They are in their own little world, and there is no translation in any Asian language for the term "courtesy call." Something like the whole "saving face" thing.

"Next time you want to make changes to the PROD db in the middle of a web roll-out, let someone know," I said. Loudly.

"Wha, wuz da big deal?" he mumbled in Chinglish.

"The big deal is that 4 people were trying to figure out why shit wasn't working, and they didn't know you were jacking with the db." By now I was livid. Pissed.

I fired off an email to the database folks. I didn't copy my boss, because this was just between me and them.

I am going to step out of the way and let you folks do any and all database changes. The code is a complete and utter nightmare, and I give up.

Once I wade through hundreds of lines of in-line sql and find queries calling functions that call functions that call stored procs, my brain shuts down.

Plus nine times out of ten, I find that whatever is wrong is the result of someone using the databases as their own personal sandbox. FYI, there is a button in Outlook to create a new email message to let people know you are monkeying around with the back-end. You folks should take advantage of it.

Unfortunately, QA doesn’t know the difference and assigns defects to me and all my boss sees is a bunch of issues that have nothing to do with my code, but have my name attached to them.

And you guys should get together and fix that darn busted client/business unit logic that is causing me to put so many hacks in the front-end, and still causing problems because it is the logic in the stored-procs that is not only unreadable, but wrong.

So, expect some OnTime defects assigned from me because I am done making database changes, deploying database objects, or trying to figure what all those nasty stored procs do.

Happy Holidays

Then I went back to my desk and prepared to take out the gay dba. I went on-line and printed some bus schedules.

I went to his desk and threw them next to his computer.

I got in his face. "Next time you want to throw me under the bus, here's the schedule so that you know what times they run."

"What's your problem?" he said. He looked mean. He was always non-confrontational, to the point of being a pussy, and I didn't trust him.

"I'm tired of taking the hit for your mistakes," I told him, getting closer.

"Well, let's go talk to [boss man]," he said, standing up. He started walking, maybe running, to the boss’s office. Like someone who was a little bit scared that he may be about to get his ass kicked.

"I got better things to do," I said, but followed him anyway. I started this and I was going to finish it.

It was a short meeting. I looked at the dba, and in front of my boss, said that I knew for a fact that all of his fuckups botched the build. And that I knew for a fact that I knew that he told my boss it was all my fault.

I was calm, firm, and didn't give shit what happened next. "Find someone else to blame," I said.

The boss told the gay dba to leave. He looked at me and said "I can't have you doing this! I saw this email you sent the database folks, and you can't do that!"

Ah, so some FTE had forwarded it to him, probably with a whiney little note (ie, "see, mr. bossman, the mean contractor sent me this and my feelings are hurt").

And then I dared my boss to fire me. "From what I could tell, you were going to shit can me after last night, so I am ready to go if you want," I told him coolly.

"No, oh, no, that's not what I mean. I could never do that to you. I value your skills, and I need you around. We had a deal -- you are here until January."

I shrugged. "Well in that case, I guess I'll stick around."

"Good. How's this sound? Go home today, work from home the rest of the week, and bill 40 hours, whether you work it or not. We'll talk Monday."

"Thanks, I appreciate it." My boss is a pretty good guy, he just didn't have the budget to hire good talent or the balls to fire Asians, Indians, women, or gays. Lawsuits scare the shit out of him.

A white boy like me, however, is fair game. So I gotta do what I gotta do to survive.

Posted in:   Tags:
Tunnel Rat posted on December 17, 2008 13:50

I am wrapping up a project where I am one of two white guys on a team of 7. There are 3 Asians, 2 Indians, 1 Persian, and the other white guy is probably gay (most skinny unmarried guys in there 40's that don't talk about pussy, porn, and football are gay).

Typical gig. The Indians cover for their screwups and blame one of the two white guys. The Asians don't say shit, even when they crash the data warehouse. And don't even get me started on the Persian bimbo, who mumbles autistically and can't write a for-next loop to save her life. Her favorite design pattern is the "Hard-Coded ID Pattern."

So am I am left chasing my tail and getting the stink-eye from my boss who thinks I can't code, with all these defects piling up and a build slipping by a week. Each time, it is some dot-head or pho-boy jacking with the data, or the Indian QA bimbo covering for her retarded Indian DBA friend who botched an ETL job.

Such is my life.

It will all be over in January, when I scale back to 3 days a week and can resume blogging and job-hunting, if I don't have a gig by then. The economy kind of sucks, and Asian and Indian hackers have depressed the wages of the common white boy programmer.

Man, I wish blacks and Mexican's would get better at math and get in this business. I love working with those cats. They are the salt of the fuckin' earth. No bullshit, they like pussy, and they will look you in the eye. These other clowns from India and Vietnam are some nasty freaks to work with. It's against there culture to be frank, honest, and admit to mistakes.

And it makes my life hell.

Posted in:   Tags:
Tunnel Rat posted on August 1, 2008 16:29

I'm going to wrap up the SIAN thread soon (I have a year and half worth of material to draw from), but I wanted to shed some light on the odd world of the H-1B programmer. You know, CEWPs.

For the last year, I have been lurking on a forum for H-1Bs. As you will see from the posts that have I culled, this is a dark and nefarious world, full of scams and deceit.

First, the H-1B agencies trick the U.S. companies into believing that they have qualified developers to fill all the programming positions that supposedly cannot be filled by American developers.

Next, these agencies have to trick these foreign programmers into leaving their home country with promises of good jobs and great pay. Then the H-1B programmers try to get out of their contracts and commitments with the corrupt agencies by switching jobs. Finally, the agencies sue the poor programmers, who then in turn file complaints with the U.S. government.

While reading these posts that I have collected, note the lack of English skills. The bad grammar. The misspellings. All of it.

Now, normally a U.S. programmer needs a bachelor’s degree to get a good job in the I.T. field. In order to get that degree, the programmer would have to demonstrate a reasonable command of the English language. He/she would have to write papers, take English classes, and communicate verbally and in written form with instructors and peers.

And why do a lot of job descriptions for developers include the term "Must have good communication skills?" Perhaps being able to deal with complex technical issues requires a command of the English language above that of the average 6th-grader.

So how can these H-1Bs be considered qualified to replace a U.S. developer? If I started sending emails to my bosses and peers in an amateurish manner, I would eventually be dismissed as an ignoramus.

But most of all, after reading these posts, look at the sheer amount of fraud that involves these transactions. Is it really worth it?

Because it looks like the U.S. companies pay about $75/hour to these H-1B firms, which is about $10/hr below the going rate for a local staffing firm. The fact is that the local company who places a U.S. developer gets about a 30% cut, and the American programmer grosses about $50-$60/hr W-2. These rates have been flat or declining since the Y2K/dot-com days, when a programmer could expect to gross $75-$100/hr -- even after the agency got the cut.

So what do these H-1Bs make after their agency takes their cut (after all, the firms have to pay for visas, plane flights, lawsuits, and countersuits)?


$23 an hour.


That's right, Mr. IT Manager, you are saving about $10 an hour by going with the H-1B firm instead of a local recruiter. And in return, you get an illiterate indentured servent with horrible communication skills. And he probably can't code. But if he complains, he losses his visa and gets sent back to India to make $5/hr instead of $23/hr.

So you have him by the proverbial balls. You can't really do that to fiesty American developer, can you, Mr. IT Manager?

You deserve to have someone piss in your coffee, you schmuck.

Now, here are the posts (I've replaced the name of the H-1B agency in question, because they appear to enjoy legal action) :


HI M*** S***** (The great hr director of MeanFartin),
Don't make that you are a genuine person and your company is a decent company, I know very well about you and your company employees, like how they are suffering, after joining this company. You guys are suing all employees, whose are quit within 2 years contract. Why they are quiting, because you guys were treating like a slaves. I was a slave for MeanFartin for some time. Now, I am very happy after come out from this ugly company. All are trying to make money, but you guyz are like real BLOOD SUCKERS. My hourly rate was $75, but you have given $23. You and your colleagues are sucking your employees blood.
*I don't like to give harsh and bad words. but MeanFartin consultancies like poison ivy. No human being, no courtesy, no decency, no discipline.*


I am a new joinee in this company. This is my first time in USA too. From the day one, things are looking dirty and suspicious. First the HR girl takes away my I-94 card. I gave it to her but later my friends told me that I made a mistake because that makes me illegal in USA. I ask for my card back, but they are refusing saying that it belongs to the compnay. I am not sure if this is true.
Also, their office is actaully in a small town in New Jersey. When they hired me they told me they are based in New york. There are just 3-4 guys sitting there. I did not know it was such a small company.
They also lied to me about company strength. When they interviewed me they told me that they have 200+ employees. But the I-129 petition says they have only 17 employees.
I am already quite scared. I am running out of the money I brought from India. I have not been able to find any project for myself yet. These guys have not paid me a single dollar yet.


Hi Friends,
MeanFartin is sued me recently for " breach of contract ". Please let me know how to face this court case against MeanFartin, if anybody face these kind of experience with MeanFartin.

This is strange. Suman Gaur left this company long back.
Looks like Mona, Ravi etc are trying to rip you off by playing tricks on you. Whatever happens, don't pay them any money before you reach US. Also, try to get air ticket from these guys themselves.
These guys are not in the good books of US govt anyway. Coming to US on this company's visa will spoil your immigration record too. My advice, try to find some other company. This company is really nothing but a confidence trick operation. Last month, all their newly filed H1 visas were rejected by US govt.
---Quote (Originally by snappy)---
hi, i understand you are an employee of MeanFartin. I am one of those consultant whom they sponsored H1B last year and until now I am not in the US together with others whom havent not contacted by JM for sometime.
And then suddenly, we got a call/email from " SUMAN GAUR " she said she is Senior Manager, Global Services of Mean Fartin... we dont know how true her email is and how legitimate her message to us. She was saying that " she will be working with me/us on our "on-boarding" process to USA on an internal project or a client project based on my current skill-set.
She would like to speak with me regarding the regarding travel plans so that HR can go ahead make arrangements accordingly. She said that their intention is to bring you to USA as soon as possible and it can be as soon as
by end of this May.
any feedback guy, your advice and opinion are highly appreciated. We are not sure how true their intention is....


Hi All,
I guess this blog is gonna save my life. I just got my H1B petition approved through Mean Fartin. Now how do I back off ? I think i'm wasting whole year by filing with JM. But its better to have a peaseful life in India instead of struggling with JM. Please advice.

Hi guys,

I had a very bad experience in dealing with this company recently. About a year ago I was looking for some project in NJ/NY area, and this company found my resume on the Internet. Their recruiter contacted me and took my social security number, saying that it was needed for the purpose of submitting the resume. Being quite naive back then, I gave away my SSN in good faith to this company.

The project never came through. That was not a problem because I soon found another project in another company and forgot all about this Mean Fartin. However, when my current project got over and I started looking for new project, I came across a nasty surprise.

Apparently, this company Mean Fartin was misusing my SSN for the purpose of fraudulently applying to different projects behind my back! I am a peoplesoft developer, and whenever this company would come across some job opening in peoplesoft they would apply using my name and SSN without bothering to inform me. The trick is that through this tactic they will prevent me from getting the same job. (The clients summarily rejects resumes which have been doubly submitted). So they would increase the chances of getting the projects to their preferred candidate. Also, by flooding the job market with such fraudulent resumes they would give the impression that they have a large pool of consultants available, which of course is not true at all. It is a typical back of alley desi money making scam.

I am still suffering from the effects of making the mistake of giving them my social security number. I still haven't found job in any of the large financial firms in NJ/NY area. I am just hoping that these b*****ds have not sold my SSN on the Internet. Then I would really be in soup because my credit history can be ruined in such a case.

How low can people get? What would their children do with such a ill gotten wealth of their parents? I am really not a vindictive or hard-hearted person, but in the case of the recruiter of this company, I really wish his children pay for his deeds in the future. After all my kids have suffered because of them.

Posted in:   Tags: , ,
tunnel rat posted on July 30, 2008 16:36

Two weeks into my new gig at the Sweatshop In A Nightclub (SIAN), I started to have physical problems.

First, a tingling in my fingers, followed by a numbness in my wrists. Shoulder pain. A stiff neck.

At first, I chalked it up to the long hours. The project I was working was an under-bid, under-planned set of enhancements for a big client, SIAN’s bread and butter. The client was a big computer company – let’s call them Pewlett Hackard.

And, as I was soon to find out, this was how all the projects at SIAN worked. I would spend 10-12 hours a day working on a web page, and an account executive (either Baby Huey or Ms. Account Executive Whore ) would stomp into our three-man office and throw a stack of printed screen shots on a desk. The pages were covered with red marks.

“PH wants these change made ASAP!!!”

So I or one of the other two developers would take a few of the pages and start hacking the changes in. I worked with two other guys – Cowboy and a total nerd that I shall alias at a later date. The nerd was such a piece of work that I am at a total loss for an appropriate nickname.

I mean, how do you come up with a moniker for a guy that can only be described as a “forty-something tech school grad with coke-bottle glasses who goes on vacations with his mother and drives a 15 year old import that he thinks is a bitchin’ ride and plays guitar in his Catholic church and has probably never been laid and used to work in the defense industry for, like, twenty years, and is a big hot head, and thinks Amiga was the greatest fuckin’ system ever made – and had been working at this place for seven years, and is the only one that understands the PDF generation code that he hacked together for THE BIG CLIENT, so NO ONE CAN FIRE HIM, and wears jeans and plaid shirts tucked in and the belt is pulled all the way up to his solar plexus, and thinks PHP is the ONLY language worth programming in, and the all this .NET shit is crap, and he’ll be dammed if is going to deal with shit like version control…”

You get my point.

As for Cowboy – you know what I mean. A hacker. Rockstar programmer who knows all. There is one in every shop, if not a shop full of them.

The kind of programmer that names all primary keys “id.” So when you are trying to figure out his in-line SQL, none of it makes a bit of sense because it all look like “Select a.id, b.id from tblShit a, tblCrap b Where a.id=b.id.”


Bastard did not even have the fucking courtesy to spell his variables properly. “Customer” would become the “Cutsomor” property. The “Assigned” field would be either the “Assding” or “Assnigd” parameter.

Whatever, baby. “’CAUSE I’M A COWBOY!”


I was asking (aksing?) him about some of his code once, and it was full of these charming examples of illiteracy.

“Oh, just so you know,” he said, “when I’m in the zone and really coding, my spelling gets kinda bad. Just so you know.”

Thanks for the heads-up, butt-wipe.

Now, for those assholes out there who want to pull the “YOU’RE A HYPOCRITE” card and point out my grammatical faux-pas --- fuck you. I am writing a blog. Not code.

Anyway, some of the changes were cosmetic. Others were wholesale redesigns of pages, menus, functionality. Whatever.

This would go on until about six at night, when most of the company would go home, except for the developers and the account managers. Someone would order in food, and we would take a break around the bar, eat, and drink a few beers. Then it was back to work, usually until around nine, when we would do a build and the account executives would screenshot the whole site and get their red Sharpies out. They would then present the site to the client in the morning, and the whole cycle would start again.

At first, it was kind of cool. Exciting. Wow, I thought, this is like working at a dot-com. And I could drink at work!

But it got old quickly.

The most dangerous thing in my business, other than a fellow programmer walking in with a machete or an AK, is Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. It can end your career. So you have to be careful.

So, after a couple of weeks, I took a tape measure to my desk.

Holy shit, it was 38 inches high! And the cheap, trendy, IKEA chair they had me in had NO HIGHT ADJUSTMENT.

“Dude,” I asked Cowboy -- who was in the same kind of chair, and would code with his keyboard in his lap and his feet propped up on his desk, “what is with these desks? They are so fuckin’ high.”

“Yeah, when they turned this stage into offices, they paid some Mexican to come in and do the construction. He ran an electrical conduit across the room about waist-high, so they wanted him to build the desks above that so that it would look, like, smooth and shit. So we got high desks. Don’ bother me, I kinda dig it.”

He went back to his coding.

Man, I thought, I gotta take this up with the boss man. ASAP.

Posted in:   Tags:
Tunnel Rat posted on July 20, 2008 16:34

I once worked at a place that was a converted nightclub.

Green concrete floors. Disco ball. Speakers hanging from the rafters. A bar that served as a break room and kitchen, even stocked with booze.

A stage that had been turned into two large offices with four workstations in each one. The sys admin worked in a DJ booth upstairs, and it overlooked the cubicles that had been built on what used to be the dance floor. He kept a few tropical fish tanks in his office. I called him Fishboy.

Very hip. Trendy. Dot-com chic. Young staff. Casual attire – t-shirts, shorts, and flip-flops. A half-mile walk to the beach.

Wow, how cool, you might be thinking.

Yeah, cool -- if you like working without specs, version control, a stable network, a QA environment, and some of the other luxuries found in a decent IT shop.

When I first started, I shared an office with two other developers. It took me a few hours to realize that I couldn’t run a local web server, because I didn’t have local admin rights to my own workstation.

“Uh-uh, the network guy (Fishboy) doesn’t allow it,” one of the other guys said. “Said people will load stuff on their system and shit, so he just locks them down.

“Did you guys tell him that you need to run local web site to properly develop in .NET?” I asked.

They shrugged. “Uh, we’ve been asking for a long time. But he’s the owner’s brother. Enough said.”

Nice. The owner’s brother ran the network, and didn’t care what the developers wanted. I’d have to try to persuade him.

“And what’s the deal with SourceSafe? You guys don’t use version control?” I asked.

“We used to code everything in PHP. You don’t need version control with that. I just made copies of my source files.”


“But since you’re doing everything in .NET, you can use SourceSafe, right?”

“Yeah. But Fishboy won’t let us set up the archives database on the network. Says it would take up too much disk space,” one of the guys told me.

Man, this was going to be weird….

Posted in:   Tags:
Tunnel Rat posted on July 17, 2008 16:39

"...We only said goodby with words..."

Actually, I just wrapped up a gig working off-site for a flaky outfit that has left me with plenty of blog fodder.

One minute I was bouncing emails and IMs with the bimbo that was my, uh, how should I say it...my project manager ("possibly alchoholic over emotional dipshit unstable bimbo without a clue" would be a more a more appropriate title), and the next minute my recruiter calls and tells me my contract is terminated immediately.

"Doesn't surprise me," I told him. "My boss was getting pretty irrational lately. Personal issues I think."

"Yeah," he said, "she does seem like an emotional person."

So just like that, I was back on the street, facing the prospect of going back to the chain gang.

It was a nice a run, lasting over a year, and I never spent one minute on site. Never even met the boss/bimbo or anybody on the team. All virtual.

Ah, but the stories that I've got, geeze...

Nothing like working with a middle-aged, pig-headed, non-educated chain smoking housewife trying to run an IT department out of her house to make things interesting.

Not that I'm bitter or anything.

I just hated the bitch.

Uneducated, non-technical, paranoid, delusional bimbos just should not be in the business of managing complex web applications. Dealing with them tends to kill my buzz.

More on her and my year working in my flip-flips and shorts later...

Posted in:   Tags:
tunnel rat posted on November 20, 2007 19:28

This will be one of many posts to come about my experiences at SINC (Sweatshop-In-a-Night-Club). It actually was a nightclub that had been converted into an “Interactive Media” company. The disco-ball was still hanging from the ceiling, and the old bar served as the break room – and when I started, it was always stocked.

I took the full time job at SINC because the money was good, they were desperate for someone with .NET experience, and I needed out of Session 9 (the one-year job I had working at the Behavior Health division of a major HMO).

I spent almost two years at SINC – a pretty long stint for a guy like me. I worked like a galley slave, and had to fight a daily battle with narcissistic, egotistical “creative” types, and incompetent, lazy, sloppy “techy” types whose idea of Object Oriented Programming was Clipboard Inheritance (copy code to the clipboard, past it one or more times as needed in other classes, and repeat).

SINC had a bunch of dot-com characters straight out of central casting:

  • Ms. Account Executive Whore

  • SAASH (South-African-American Sexual Harasser)

  • Fishboy

  • Cowboy With Tourette's

  • La Terminatrix

  • Baby Hughey

The place was a seething cesspool of outrageous drama, with people sleeping with each other, former employees stealing clients, staff getting fired on the spot, employees quitting in a huff and walking out, Friday-afternoon booze-filled poker games in conference rooms, constant gossip, outrageous deadlines, posturing, posing, fly-by-night coding, lies, dead rats, compulsive tossing of rubber objects, potlucks and catered lunches, too much work, not enough work, and above all, wanton overindulgence.

You get the picture. Maybe.

My nemesis at this place was Ms. Account Executive Whore. She was a self-important, insecure, highly unstable primadonna who ran around the place with a phone headpiece on, constantly talking, sometimes to two or three people at a time. Bitterly divorced with a young son that she was training to be a vegan, she was the epitome of an environmentally-sensitive, Republican-hating, finger-waging, progressive prig bitch.

If you didn’t put a soda can in the recycle-bin, she gave you the stink-eye, if not a lecture. Plus, she constantly changed her mind and lied about deliverables and deadlines, so it was impossible to figure out what the hell was going on with her projects.

And as I would find out later, she used to have sex with the SAASH, her boss, when they would go on business trips. Thus her moniker.

One day I got this insant message from scatterbrained Ms. Account Executive Whore:

Ms. Account Executive Whore: I can't enter vagina


Everybody at SINC made heavy use of Instant Messaging. They used, actually abused, it for everything. Specs, bug tracking, QA, code -- everything was sent via IM. If you didn't respond to your IM, the sender would be at your desk ASAP. Most people carried on 3 or 4 IM chats at a time. Sometimes people would lose track of whom they were chatting with.

Of course, I passed a screenshot of this message around to the whole department, including the SAASH, with the subject line "Odd message from [Ms. Account Executive Whore]." Pretty soon the whole place was howling.

A minute later, Ms. Account Executive Whore came running into my cube.

"YOU ASSHOLE! Didn't you know [Cowboy With Tourette's] and I were testing the dirty world filter on that website?"

I flashed her a perma-smile, put my headphones on, and went back to work.

Posted in:   Tags:

- Vineet Nayar, CEO, HCL Technologies

Recent Posts

Slumdog Comment Generator

Not Sure How To Respond?
Use the Slumdog Comment Generator!


«  April 2014  »
View posts in large calendar

Month List

The thoughts expressed on this blog may or may not be the author's own and are protected by the 1st Amendment. Any attempt to reveal his identity by contacting a slumdog hack at Google, or a corrupt Desi sys-admin at his ISP will be dealt with promptly and severely. Civil and criminal penalties may apply if one is found to have used private information in an attempt to get the author fired at the Hindu-only I.T. ghetto he currently works at. In addition, any Desi who attempts to burn the author's house down because they are enraged over his writing will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. This isn't India.

© Copyright 2014 Life of an I.T. Grunt

View My Stats